Rollercoaster of Emotions!

I went to see my original OB/GYN Dr. Riojas today. He did an exam and said that my cervix is closed, appearing that it has not opened previousily. He drew some labs to look at my levels, which I will not get back until the morning. He said that just by examination, it looks like everything is fine.

He then sent me to get a transvaginal ultrasound. The US tech was asking me all sorts of weird questions, making me believe that the outcome was not going to be good. However, when I asked her if she saw anything - she responded by saying that she would have to let the doctor speak to me. So he did - in a very unsympathetic way! He came in the room, me already tearful, and decided to have a discussion with my mother about the doctors that she works for. Meanwhile, I am stunned that he is not even aknowledeging the reason that I am here.

He goes on to say that he does not see anything, not a sac, a yolk - nothing! He then says that "50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage" and tells me that my time will come again (meaning I will get pregnant again another time)! I was crying uncontrollably while he then had a short discussion with my mother before leaving the room, again about her doctors! She was tearful also, which he didn't seem to be sensitive to AT ALL!

Good news was that Dr. Riojas wanted me to come back to his office. So away we went, back to his office! He then said that he still felt "cautiousily optimistic" and felt that we could not make any additional decisions until tomorrow when I get my HCG and pregesterone levels back. He thinks that I am possibly only 4 weeks and not 6 weeks - which would explain why we would not be able to see anything at this point. This may also explain why I am having what seems to be my period.

If my HCG level is less than 1500, we would not be able to see anything with an ultrasound yet. This would mean that I am possibly not as far along as was previously guessed. I had bloodwork drawn last Thursday and based on those levels, he seems to think this is a possibility. I took a pregnancy test on Monday, after starting to spot, and it showed that I was pregnant and was far darker than the other tests I have taken.

So after discussing the days that I had blood drawn, the levels that were obtained previously, the days that I took pregnancy tests that were positive, and my symptoms I am having - he just doesn't think that this is a miscarriage at this point!

Please keep us in your prayers - as always! We are very scared and I am completely exhausted after going thru every single possible emotion throughout my entire day!!! I will keep everyone posted. If you have called and I have not returned your call, please understand that I am just not wanting to keep talking about it at this point. I am trying to get thru the night and the early morning! I will give everyone a call back when I have a definite answer! Thanks for all of your support - you guys are the best!!!!

Another scary morning ...

I woke up at 0500 this morning with cramps and increased flow. After making my daily call to the fertility specialists office for the past 2 days, I called again. They keep stating there is nothing that can be done and everything sounds fine. However, this morning the tone changed and the voice on the other end was a little more sympathetic in my situation. Jane, one of the nurses at the office is my favorite and I finally got to talk to her this morning. However, she informed me that the dr is out of town today and will not return until tomorrow. Once again, I am expected to just lay around all day and worry and stress.

However, my mom pulled some strings to get me into a different OB/GYN so I am going to the appointment today at 1130. I feel a sense of relief just knowing that I will be able to find something out today. However, I am not so confident of the outcome with my symptoms. Please pray for us every second of every day! I am trying to stay positive,

Boy or Girl? YOU VOTE!!!

Jason and I are wanting to know: Is baby Smith going to be a baby boy or baby girl? Please click on "comment" and let us know what your prediction is and who you are. We will then have a shindig to announce baby Smith's gender and review the prediction results! Have fun!!!

The countdown begins ...

Funny how things happen! I have said since I was childbearing age that I did not want a Christmas baby. At one point, I even commented to my mother-in-law that we would not be having "relations" in March to prevent a December baby. However, look where we are today! We are both as delighted as can be and are looking forward to Christmas for yet another reason - to meet our beautiful MIRACLE! We wouldn't have it any other way - (s)he will be our little Christmas miracle!!! :)

A little scare ..

While working a day shift at work yesterday, I began to have "spotting," as they would call it. But who knows what that word means if you have never been pregnant? I talked to the doctor's office multiple times, today while in tears. They are reassuring me that everything sounds just fine from what I am describing; however, all I want is for them to see me and ease my wondering little mind.

The dr. is wanting me to rest for the next couple of days - no exercising, streneous activities or walks. This would also mean that I will not be working tomorrow night, as well. The term she used was "threaten miscarriage". This does not mean that our pregnancy will result in miscarrage, however, she is wanting me to rest so that we prevent anything from occuring. I am beyond scared and feel a complete loss of control.

We are hoping to see the baby's heartbeat on Friday with the sonogram. Please keep us in your prayers - we are both on edge and hoping for the best!!!

Making sure everything is going well ...

So today I got my labs drawn, yet again to make sure that my levels were rising. I worked last night and decided to stop by the lab on the way home from work - at 0730 AM. I had to wait for about an hour before getting in, falling asleep in the waiting room.

After the completion of the labs, I decided to meet my mom and grandma for some breakfast. My grandma and grandpa Heiman were told on Tuesday, but today I would get to tell my grandma McCloud for the first time. My mom brought a onesie that said "granny magnent" since she will be referred to as granny. She opened the onesie and her jaw dropped, which then led to her hugging me and crying. It was exactly as I had pictured!

I was also able to tell all of my friends from work, which was exciting! We have to tell very early since we are not able to do chemo and take care of kidos with certain infectious diseases or illnesses. Everyone was excited and we did a pregnancy predictor that says "It's a girl!" I guess we will see within time!

I finally got the call, once again getting no sleep while waiting on the results. Everything was fine and my HCG level not only doubled but actually rised to 250. So Jason and I are going to be parents, and everything looks great! We are scheduled to have our first ultrasound to make sure that the "baby" is in the uterus and we can see the heartbeat. We found out today that our lil' miracle is the size of a grain of rice and the heart has now started to beat!

Blood tests to be sure ...

So today I woke up to go to the lab to get my labs drawn, to be 100% it was sure. However, after 7 tests, 10 pairs of pink lines and 2 that said the magical word - I think we were pretty confident. But we needed to hear it from someone in a white coat who can confirm the results.

My mom, aunt Gail and I went to lunch and shopping. I had 4 hours of time to pass before finding out the results, so I had to find something to do to kill time. My mom and I were in the baby section at wal-mart when I got the call. The lady on the other end stated, "you are in fact pregnant" and went on to say that my HCG level is 50 - which was explained to be an acceptable number.

But we were still not completely in the clear, as if you ever are the entire time you are pregnant. So I have to go get labs again on Thursday to make sure that my levels are rising appropriately, with my HCG to be at least doubled. We are completely in a daze and cannot believe it is true. The words come out of our mouths, but it is still soooo surreal.

Will today be the day?

Well I bet you can guess that I got absolutely NO sleep last night -with the excitement stiring inside. I woke up first thing to take the test again. I got into the shower, thinking this would pass the time that I would have to wait to see the results. And when I looked, IT WAS POSITIVE with a little darker line. As I headed up the steps, Jason is awake (which is a mere miracle in itself at this time) and asks, "so what's the verdict?" I ran into the bedroom and told him I thought we were pregnant.

But even after 4 tests, we were still hesitant in saying we were definately preggo. So I went to my class for work and after went to my best friend, Christina's house, to tell her and her sister Hannah the news. They were ecstatic and it felt so surreal. We are still all in disbelief so we went to the store and bought a 2 pack of digital pregnancy tests. I am thinking that if the word "pregnant" appears - I will feel much more confident.

So I take the test and it in fact says "PREGNANT!" This made me a little more confident and I called Jason, yet again! I called my fertility specialist to ask some questions - whom confirmed that any line is a positive and digital tests are >99% accurate. We were going to wait until Mother's Day to tell our parents; however, as you can guess that didn't happen at all. Jason was soooo excited to tell his parents, which made me even more excited to tell our parents - so we did!

We first told my parents, who just celebrated their wedding anniversary yesterday. My mother had given my grandmother a doll that said "hello grandma and grandpa" when she got pregnant with me, to tell her parents. So I had the doll, wrapped it up to make them think it was an anniversary present and took it to their house! I borrowed a video cam so we could get it on video tape.

We then headed to Jason's parents house to tell them the great news! We sat and talked and then Jason says, "we have something we need to talk to you about" and they both look puzzled. Jason then says, " we were wondering how you would feel about being called grandma and grandpa?" They were soooo excited. This will be the first grandchild on both sides, making it a little more special!

I have been waiting for this day for so long, it all seemed like a dream. It still hasn't hit me completely. Now I am just praying that all goes well as it is expected! Today is in fact the day!!!

Can it be true????

Today, after attending a girlfriends baby shower, I realized that I still had not had my "visitor" yet. So I took a pregnancy test this afternoon, a very faint pink line showed up. I had taken a test on Friday and thought it was negative; however, after pulling it out of the trash - it indeed also had a very faint pink line. The lines were so faint pink that I thought they were maybe a shadow, or I was seeing something that wasn't there.

So I take the tests down to jason, tell him to look, and not to get excited YET! We read the instructions together and it seems that "any line at all, no matter how faint, it a positive. We went that night to get a 3 pack of more tests. At this time we are not putting all of our eggs in one basket.

I took another test later that night, and the same faint pink line showing again! But once again, we were hesitant and decided that we will take a another test first thing in the morning! I cannot wait until the morning!!!!!

Not so good news today

So I had a one-on-one conversation with the insurance company rep today. A little disheartened and disappointed to hear that our insurance company will not cover any of the ongoing fertility treatments, including the monthly IUI and fertility meds. This is going to cost around $700 out of pocket each month - making this process even a little more difficult to take in.

I am wondering how people who have no means of coming up with this money are expected to get help. Although the money issue is difficult for us, we are more fortunate than others who may NEVER be able to even do one cycle of this treatment.

We are hoping that this process with be fast and not take many continuous monthly cycles. Please keep our family in your prayers! We know it will happen what is meant to happen and that God would not give us more than we can handle!

* Considering other options *

I received a call back from the RE (a.k.a Reproductive Endocrinologist or Fertility Specialist) today. After long conversation and consideration, we have decided to wait on the laproscopic surgery until a later date. We are wanting to start this journey with a less invasive approach.

The new plan: I am going to start the fertility drugs - Clomid and Estrogen this week. I will have the HSG done this week or early next week. We will start IUI within the next couple of weeks, finishing an entire cycle by the end of the month.

I have been reading alot of literature on what to expect, the details and testimonials of couples who have been thru the same experiences. These medications, along with the IUI, are timed at very specific times in your cycle. Seems as though the people at the RE office are going to be seeing my face quite often!

I will keep an update of our journey, hopefully ending in a positive pregnancy test before long!!!! Take care.

The Journey begins ...

Today was the start of a new journey for the Smith family! We have been trying to conceive for a year, so it was time to see a Fertility Specialist. Although I thought I was prepared, I very quickly found out that this was not the case. We were both overwhelmed and felt the sense of loss of control.

The doctor is considering the possibility of me having endometriosis. He scheduled a laparoscopy procedure for the next week. I will also be having a procedure called an HSG done, which will involve shooting dye into my fallopian tubes to visualize if they are open. The plan is to then put me on fertility drugs - Clomid and Estrogen, followed by IUI (a.k.a Artificial Insemination) as soon as possible after the surgery. We now have to sit down and discuss the multitude of information that we learned today.

This is all a little scary, not to mention expensive! We are hopeful that it will happen without many rounds of the combo of fertility drugs and injections. We are taking one day at a time - waiting for the day that we will have a little bean enter our lives!