The dreaded call.

Well today was the day for the dr to call about my Progesterone results - and they did first thing this morning! As I expected, bad news hits again. My Progesterone level was 1.5 - therefore I did not ovulate this month! Just wonderful! The nurse then goes on to tell me that they would like to do Injectables this round (you inject the meds in each day). And when I asked her how much that would be - she blurted out $2,500 each month. WHAT? Are you kidding me? A month?

So after a near anxiety attack, I told her there was NO WAY we could afford that. So we will be trying an increased dose of Clomid (150mg) and Dexamethasone - still costing us $1,000 a month again (which has no guarantee of working). So now I get to look forward to taking this daily steroid to make me mean and symbolize a balloon from the weight gain. Our kids at work take this steroid and they can turn into devil kids!

I cannot stress how sick and tired I am of all of this. It should be sooooo simple, but for us it seems impossible. Then I am constantly faced with people talking about having babies and getting ready for babies - people that shouldn't be even having children yet. I have done all the steps correctly - finished my schooling, started my career, got married, waiting for the right person to share all of this with - and then I get slammed in the face. Then I have to work extra shifts to pay for all of this and it still isn't enough. What is going to happen once I have finished my 3 months on Clomid and it hasn't worked? What is the next step going to cost????

I have a dr appointment tomorrow to get some anxiety medication. I am not sleeping at night and can cry at the drop of a hat. I know that there is this ultimate plan but I am ready to be the happy one that can complete their family. I am not asking for a heard - I am asking for at least 1 child. Just one. I find it ironic that I try to always be the upbeat and positive person for people who are going thru similar issues. However, I am starting to break down myself. Me, nor anyone going thru this, expect any sort of sympathy. We just hope that others can help us get thru such a difficult time. It is hard to comprehend until you are the one dealing with it - I will be the first to admit that. Just imagine yourself wanting something more than anything else in the world and no matter what you do, it just isn't happening! You feel like a failure, frustrated and overwhelmed. That is exactly what it feels like ...