My thoughts.

Okay ... let me start off by saying that I do not normally write about things like this. In fact, I really hate reality type shows - except Jon and Kate +8. I love this show and have even chosen Ayden as my favorite. Tonight I was watching a couple of the new episodes tonight and I was extremely bothered. This family is falling apart and we are all watching it happen! It is so sad. I mean, I have always thought that Kate was somewhat fake and crazy. She has her moments when you think her feelings were sincere, but most of the time I think so it too worried about her appearance to people. It just makes me extremely sad to know that this wonderful family is breaking apart because they chose money over their family and marriage.

Kate is more worried about her appearance and trying to portray this certain person. I have a hard time watching the show because I get so enraged with how she treats Jon. Notice that she is talking most of the show - he just sits there because she won't even let him speak. She is constantly belittling him in a subtle way. It just bothers me that she acts this way. Jon can make comments at times, but he seems so sincere about his feelings. I love how he will do ANYTHING for his family, to make them happy! I watched him take apart a huge wooden swingset in their backyard so they could take it their new house. He did it because it had sentimental value to him - he watched his kids grow up on this swingset and they had moved it from their previous house, too. Then she was getting super frustrated with him because they were trying to throw things away as they were packing. He wanted to keep a bag of bugs because they were from a memory of his kids going camping, yet she was yelling at him to get rid of it.

I just hate how she will be so rude and take stabs at him. She tries to portray him and always downplay his role as a father - as him being a bad father and inferior to her parenting skills. Jon has just started speaking up for himself, and that is another issue as to why they are spliting up. I love when he jokes with the kids or has a loving moment with them. I actually had tears in my eyes when I was watching the kids 5th birthday party and one of the girls came up to him and was telling him that the friend she invited was a boy. He was joking with her and then just looked at her, hugged her, and then just sat there with her in his arms. I think he is one of the best fathers I have ever seen! He is willing and would do anything for those kids. Just one of those fathers that have a relationship with their child or children that is amazing. A couple of Jason's friends would classify as this type of father.

Jason is growing every single day. It is pretty amazing to see how both of us have grown, since Evan was born. Taking care of this little person, molding him into the person he is going to be. We both agree that it is a really overwhelming feeling - on a daily basis. I question if I am making the right decisions and if we are good parents to this point. I know everyone tells you that you are doing a good job, but who is going to tell you that you are not? I think I am just starting to feel the emotional part of me returning to work on Sunday. I never wanted, or still want, to be a stay at home mom, but there is something about the possibility that I will not see my son roll over for the first time, crawl for the first time, or take his first step. It is bittersweet for me because I miss the socialization of work, however, I want to be with my son. I have spent nearly every single minute of the the last almost 9 weeks with Evan, and now I am supposed to leave him for 12 hours at once? Overwhelming, huh?

I guess I just never thought that I would feel this way, especially at the beginning! Each day that goes by is another day that Evan is learning certain ways to soothe himself, or starting to show signs of how his personality is going to be. He has really adapted and started to become a cuddler! The beginning of our journey as a family was really trying and we have both come a long way and learned a lot. He is starting to do little things like look at me and smile, or grab and hold my hair when he is soothing himself, or snuggling up on my shoulder with me. Man, he is just already growing up so fast and has become quite the healthy little boy! :) What can I say .... he likes to eat!?! We love our little man - Evie Bevie!

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